He's Not Good Enough For You (choose me instead)
by Swan.Mills7
Summary: Emma is marrying Hook in 24 hrs but she's conflicted. Regina helps her figure things out. This is a SwanQueen story. Rated M for language. I suggest listening to "Instead" by Ryan Amador, it sets the mood just right. Enjoy!


"Emma, we need to talk"

Emma keeps staring at the text message Regina had sent her that morning. There was no follow up, no call; she regrets not responding right away. Now she has this dreadful feeling in her throat. Still, Emma doesn't dare respond to ask what's going on. She doesn't need whatever it is right now. Isn't it enough that she has a pending final battle to fight in one week and a wedding to attend in 24 hrs? The wedding. She knows she should be more excited about it. Isn't marrying Killian all she ever wanted? Well, no. It's not. Life is not a fairytale where the handsome prince breaks down your walls, marries you, and makes you happy for ever after. Even if your parents are actual fairytale characters. Instead she's resigned. She tells herself it's the actual wedding she's not looking forward to, not the marriage. The wedding is for her parents anyway, she didn't choose any of it because it didn't matter to her if she wore silk or lace, if the flowers were pink or green. Who cares about center pieces or bouquets when you can't silence that annoying voice in your head telling you you are making a huge mistake, that you are settling, overcompensating, trying too hard when it should be simple. It doesn't help that the damn voice sounds exactly like Regina's.

What does Regina want anyway? They haven't spoken since that night at the bar. Emma had had too much to drink, crying over Killian leaving, pathetic. And Regina was there, watching her like she mattered, like it hurt to look at her. Emma kissed her and for one second the world stopped. Regina had tasted like Bourbon and apples and tears. Were they Emma's? Was Regina crying too? She didn't find out. Regina broke the kiss and before Emma could open her eyes she disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke.

And now she "needs to talk" after ignoring Emma's texts and calls for days. Regina asks and she shall get, typical. And the worst part is that Emma wants to run to her, wants to ask her if she felt it too, if she feels like she feels, like she's felt for so long but never dared to hope. But she can't. Killian is back, the wedding is back on. She can't want Regina anymore, she can't do this to Killian, not after everything they've been through. What would he do if she left him? What would people think of her? What would her parents say? After they sacrificed themselves so that they could be reunited. No. She can't be that selfish, she has a family now, a family she loves and doesn't want to disappoint. That's why she stayed away from Regina after Killian came back. Regina didn't want her anyway, she refused to see her, to talk to her. Well she got the message loud and clear: stay away, Emma.

Still, she should just call her, right? Maybe something happened to Henry. God, Henry. She's been neglecting the kid lately, but who can blame her? There's so much going on and Henry has Regina anyway, she will always be there for him. Still, she's his mom and should be there for him as well, even if Henry has clearly chosen to ignore her relationship with Killian, he's a good kid, but he just doesn't get it.

Emma wishes she could explain it better, Killian is not a bad guy anymore. Yes, he drinks more than he should but he's a pirate, besides he can hold his liquor and has never raised his hand to her or Henry. Emma loves him. If not why would she have gone to the underworld to get him back? Certainly not out of duty, or because of her hero complex (that was Regina's voice again, as annoying as the real one). Emma loves him. She forgave him for the things he said and did when he was the Dark One, she understood the need to destroy and hurt. She didn't succumb to it but she understands how easily she could have. So she forgave him. She just wishes he would talk to her. She is willing to forgive anything if only he would talk to her (doesn't he know this?) he didn't need to hide the fact that he killed her grand father once upon a time, they could have worked it out, instead he gets drunk and proposes.

And why did Emma accept his proposal? She knows that it wasn't out of love. He seemed so broken kneeling in front of her, his eyes full of sorrow and guilt, how could she have said no? She would save him, like he saved her before. That's what she does after all, she's the savior. And she owes him this, she who made him dark, she who brought him back.

So what if she accepted because she wanted to save him? It doesn't mean she doesn't love him. And who needs love anyway? Love is over rated. Love keeps you up at night thinking of red lips, sad eyes and sexy scars. Love makes you wish for the impossible, reach for the impossible. It breaks you when you can't achieve it. Fuck love. Fuck Regina. Why is she texting now anyway? After Emma begged to talk to her, to tell her how she felt, to ask her if she felt the same, to apologize, to ease her mind, to tell her she didn't need worry about her, that she's a big girl, she can handle unrequited love, to ask her if that's what it was? Unrequited? Is that why she puffed away without an explanation? What was Regina thinking? Why did she cry when Emma kissed her?

Emma misses her. Last week was painful. There was this overwhelming need to see her, to talk to her, to touch her. It wasn't just the kiss either. Emma has given up on the idea of Regina loving her back long time ago. She knows she's lacking, she's not good enough for Regina, she's broken, she's weak. And Regina, Regina is everything. Emma is lucky to have her in her life, in any capacity. And Emma almost regrets kissing Regina, because it might have just pushed her away for good. Except how could she ever regret it? The seconds their lips were intertwined are forever imprinted in her mind. Regina's warm, her impossibly soft lips, her smell, it was everything Emma had ever dreamt of, and she dreamt about it plenty. It was faultless. It was divine. Emma would fight another dragon, an ogre, she would fight Cora again to be able to kiss her one more time.

"Emma, please meet me by the pier in 30 minutes. We need to talk"

Emma stares at her phone. That's two text messages from Regina in one day, two text messages after a whole week of silence. And Emma should be ecstatic. She is. But mostly she's scared. What if Regina wants to cut her off from her life for good? Or worse, what if Regina realized she feels the same and wants her to call off the wedding? What would Emma do? She can't deal with Regina right now. Because she wants her so bad it hurts. It hurts because she can't have her. The world is against them. She can't face her and she should let her know, except, can't she just wait another minute and pretend? Pretend Regina does want her, that Emma is strong enough to fight for her, pretend she's not destined to fight a stupid final battle and possibly die, pretend she can love whoever she chooses to without recriminations and expectations and God! Why is this so hard? She should have fought for Regina sooner, before Killian, before Robin, before. When it was just Regina, Emma and Henry. She should have moved to Boston or New York, Regina would have loved the city life and Henry would have had better opportunities. She would visit her parents every once in a while of course, and her brother, but she would not let them dictate her life choices.

Instead she chose to stay (yes Regina's voice, I get it, hero complex). She chose to stay and play her Savior role. But when does it end? Does she have to die a hero? Can't she be selfish for once? Can't she choose the woman who raised her son? The woman who sacrificed herself over and over for her, for the town, for her enemies turned family? Can't she choose to be happy?

Emma looks up from her place in the couch and finds Regina staring down at her.

\- "Re. Regina? What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

\- "I waited for you Emma"

Emma looks down at her phone. Shit. She's been daydreaming for over an hour.

\- "I'm sorry, I meant to text you"

\- "Well I'm here now, let's talk"

Emma swallows. How is this gonna go? Should she stop her? She doesn't know what outcome she's hoping for. Except she's lying to herself. Of course she knows. But she wants to bolt. It doesn't matter what Regina will say, her fate is sealed. She's marrying Killian tomorrow and she rather do this with Regina standing next to her, like the good friend that she is, than without her. She needs Regina there. If Regina approves then surely she's not making a mistake, right? Regina is always right.

Regina sits next to Emma in the couch, close enough to reach for her if she chooses to get up.

\- "Emma, I'm sorry."

\- "Regina, don't. Don't apologize. I can't. Just tell me we are ok. I can still count on you for tomorrow right? Tell me I didn't ruin that too."

\- "You didn't ruin-? Emma, I can't. I can't let you do this."

Regina takes a deep breath and prepares to empty her heart to Emma. It was time that she stopped hiding, to stop being scared, to fight for what she wants, for whom she's wanted for so long. Even if she knew it was futile. She had been hiding in her manor for a week, avoiding Emma. She had read every text message, listened to every voice mail, ignored the banging on her door every evening until they stopped coming. And Regina fought the urge to let Emma in, to hold her, to lose herself in her emerald eyes and tell her how much she means to her, how Emma saved her from herself, how she gave her the strength to change, to be better, to equally embrace the dark and the light in her heart. That was all Emma.

Regina doesn't know when Emma became that for her, her friend, her support, her partner, her strength. She suspects it all begun when Emma jump started her magic, she still doesn't understand how that came about, but she's felt a connection to her ever since, she could feel her even when in different realms, and it only grew stronger after that, after every battle they fought together, after every sacrifice (and there were many) after working together over and over until she couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else. The feelings came after, she suspects, how could she not develop feelings for someone as selfless as Emma Swan, Emma who fought for her, who believed her. Emma who gave her Henry. She never had a chance.

She had been so blind. How did she not see what was happening between them sooner? How did she not see it in Emma's eyes? She was being purposely obtuse, of course, always sabotaging herself, mother would be proud.

When Emma kissed her a veil fell from her eyes, a weight was lifted from her heart, she could have swore she saw a light, could almost touch it. But when she opened her eyes reality crushed down, they couldn't do this. She couldn't do this to Snow, things were finally settling down, years of war and hatred were behind them. They would never forgive her. And Emma. Did Emma love her? Surely not, she had been crying about that good for nothing pirate not but one minute before. Regina had tried to be happy for them, if Emma had chosen anyone else Regina might have succeeded, but Emma is too good for Hook, she deserves better.

Regina wanted more than anything to kiss Emma again, but she would not take advantage of the drunk savior, so she left. Did the kiss mean anything to Emma? Will she even remember kissing Regina in the morning? This changed everything and Regina needed time and space to process.

Of course time and space are high commodities in her life and she could not have either, she spent the next couple of days running the town by day and working on a way to break her counterpart's curse at night. When she finally found a way to break the curse, Snow, idiot Snow sacrificed herself and her prince to save Emma's "true love," and Emma let her. Emma chose Hook and took him back. Emma forgave him and accepted to marry him once more. That undeniably answered Regina's unspoken questions.

Still the phone calls didn't stop, nor the texts. What game was Emma playing? She had made her choice. She chose the pirate. Why was she still calling Regina? She needed to talk to Emma. Confront her. She needed to stop thinking about her and the only way to achieve that was by getting closure. She needed to know for sure. Fuck pixie dust. Fuck predestined true loves. She had fought for her right to Choose her own destiny. And Regina wanted the same for Emma. Freedom.

So finally Regina decided she had had enough. Emma could choose the pirate if she wanted to but she needed to know she didn't have to. She had choices, she had Regina, if she wanted her. Regina knew she had to tell Emma how she felt even if the impeding wedding was the following day and even if the world hated her for it. She owed it to Emma and she owed it to herself.

And so Regina holds Emma's hands. She looked sad and resigned but her brown eyes were steady and determined.

\- "I told you before Emma, he's not good enough for you."

Emma doesn't know why Regina chose to talk about Killian instead of talking about herself, but she sees the tears she's fighting to not shed so she remains quite. And so Regina went on:

\- "You can go ahead and marry him but don't ever pretend that we are both unaware, because the truth is you will still allow me to be close enough that I know you don't want me to leave. I know he's there too, at your side like a stain, and when I see you with him there's pain in your eyes, it's trapped you inside like you can't get away. But you can, Emma."

Regina takes a deep breath and continues

\- "He's not good enough to be even half the man that he should be. He won't do the things that I would do. When you'll want someone who cares, who will know how you feel when you don't want to share, who will show you support when you've lost your meaning .. Are you picturing him, Emma? I'm here. I came to confess that I love you. I love you more than he ever will. So choose me. Choose me instead. He's not good enough for you. Maybe I'm not either but you had to know, even if I have to watch you yet again choose him instead of me."

And then ... silence. Emma hadn't known what to expect but surely this was not it. Regina loved her? Regina wanted Emma to choose her?

Regina sees Emma's hesitance and before she can form a proper response, (there was a question somewhere in that soup of words she just let out) Regina leans forward and kisses her. Slowly, sweetly. Emma feels Regina's lower lip trembling and there it is again, the feeling. No bourbon flavor this time, but the apples are there and the tears. Regina's tears. Emma's heart can't take it. Emma holds Regina tight and breaks the kiss. She looks straight into her eyes and finds no deception, just love.

\- "Regina.. I.. Yes! Yes."

Emma laughs, she can't believe this is happening. Is Regina real? Did this just happen? Can they do this? She hugs Regina again. She can't believe her luck. She feels unstoppable, like she can fight ten more final battles; and she will, probably, but Regina will be there, so it's ok. She has a thousand questions: Why now? Since when? What about tomorrow? Are we going to make it? But she doesn't voice them, right now she just wants to feel. Besides she's with Regina now, Regina is always right, maybe it will all be ok. She is right where she belongs, she knows it. With Regina she's home.

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THE END

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NOTES

This story was inspired by the song 'Instead' by Ryan Amador. I even used some of his lyrics ..

Also this is my first story ever so constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged. Thank you for reading.

Oh and I'm on Twitter as swan_mills7 and on IG as swan. mills7 in case you wanted to chat. That's all


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